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I'm only here tonight because of you. You are the only reason I am. You are all my reasons.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Lessons in Cohabitation: Sports "Widows"

Recently I have become acquainted with a new term.  An affliction really.  That thousands - perhaps millions of women have dealt with for generations before me, and surely will continue to for years to come.  What I like affectionately call "the other woman" (because this is probably the only time that term could ever be considered cute or affecionate) - sports.  Women worldwide have become sports "widows".

 Now don't get me wrong: clearly I have known from a young age that males and sports go together like Han and Chewy (or like Wilma and Betty for you non-sci-fi ladies out there).








  


This has been a cultural cliche for like, eons.  I'm sure men were as obsessive about jousting at one point as they are now about football season.  It's really the extent of the issue I was previously unaware of.  It is rampant and widespread enough to warrant a term like football widows.  

But I don't think it is limited to American football.  Nope, it is limited to men anywhere, and really the sport could be ANYTHING.  As long as it is competitive and generally requires sweat, men will obsess over it.  For example: a guy may decide to "pick up" running because buying those five-finger/"barefoot" running shoes became really trendy for a while there, and next thing you know he's run a marathon within six months, a 50-mile mountain race within a year, and created a blog to document his daily progress.  Or perhaps participation isn't his thing, so maybe this guy decides he loves college football so much that he creates massive spreadsheets for several NCAA conferences, detailing not only who wins their respective matchups, but also the point spread, the over-under scores (as dictated by Vegas standards) and places hypothetical bets on every single one of these aspects for every single game in every spreadsheet - just to see what he would have won had he actually been gambling with any real money - and does this every single weekend September-January?  Hypothetically speaking, of course.*

I'm not speaking in hyperbole here people.  This actually happens.  People might call this obsessive behavior were it regarding anything else besides sports.  What would the world say if women were this obsessive about shopping and finding good deals?  Oh wait, some women do do that and they have come up with a term for it: "Extreme Couponing".  And you know why they call it that?  BECAUSE IT IS F**KING EXTREME AND UNNECESSARY.
"Hi, I wish they made coupons for pallets of contact lenses, because then I'd really be set for the apocalypse!"


Sigh.  But I digress.  I brought you here to discuss what I have learned personally, not the world's double standards.  I live with a man who has another love.  Nay, not with another woman, and not even with football - well, at least not the kind you're thinking.  But with football as generally Europe/South America/Africa/Australia/Asia/let's-face-it-probably-Antarctica refers to it: but we'll go ahead and stick with soccer.  And it's not like I can even pretend it took me by surprise.  He's played his whole life, went to college on a soccer scholarship, and one of our first at-length conversations ever revolved around it.  He breathes the stuff as if it were air.  Getting out on a soccer field literally sustains him.  Again, kinda wish I could claim to be exaggerating, but I'm not.  The boy gets downright surly if he hasn't stepped onto a soccer field in over a week or so.  He loves that we have Fox Soccer on cable so that he can watch most noteworthy games from around the world.  But while watching gets him by, it's playing that really soothes his soul.

But I'm one of the lucky ones, and I know it.  Not because he is any less obsessed than the rest of men worldwide (though there are many that are faaaar more extreme - like the couponers).  But because I actually truly enjoy soccer too.  I'm nowhere near his level, but having played most of my childhood and adolescence, and realllly liking watching it helps out.  And seeing as he is currently on two different teams that play weekly - one of which travels around the Bay area for its nine-month-long season - I would say his case is in pretty full swing.

And so I have striven to not fall to the ranks of Sports Widows worldwide, losing my significant other for extended periods of time just because he loves something (besides me) excessively.  Nope, instead you'll find me on the sidelines two days a week, every week, in my fold-up chair, with my cooler full of rehydration.  Oh yeah, and with my fancy new camera.  Because this girl is resourceful.  Not only will I be a supportive and dedicated girlfriend, but I will also comfortable, entertained, and productive all at once!  Wish me luck!

Below are some of my first attempts at sports photography... and let's just say I have a long way to go.

He says it's so the kinesiology tape doesn't rip out his hair... I'm thinking it's for being aerodynamic.


Did I mention his team colors are red and black?  Swoon.

Check out all those supportive girlfriends spectators!



#11 making me proud!


My best one, I think.  I helps to be close to the action.




Scoring!!


So attractive.


*Of course these situations weren't hypothetical.
These were actual stories.  And of actual people I've dated.
HOW did this thing take me by surprise whatsoever??

1 comments:

Chick Flick Chic

totally hypothetical. OF COURSE.

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